#DailyWings: “Peace again! – The exquisite hour before dawn, here at my old desk–seldom have I realized so keenly, appreciated so fully, these still, dark hours.”
– Edward Weston
I have always seen this blog as a window into my thoughts and my life, but lately I’ve kept that window closed. It’s been nearly two weeks since my last post, and clicking on “New Post” today was like getting my teeth cleaned and realizing I needed a filling. I finally had to face the neglect my blog has received, but now that I am typing away again, I find myself sighing with relief. Starting is always the hardest part.
In general, I haven’t been writing lately. It’s weird how you can love something so much that you’re scared to touch or even go near it. Even after two years of blogging, it still takes effort to open this window into who I am, to set aside my fears and actually write stuff that means something to me.
I sometimes tell people that I can’t live without writing, and before it seemed to come out as an exaggerated joke – but I’m beginning to think it’s true. These last few weeks have been tough. Lonely. Chock-full of mistakes and regrets. And busy… so terribly busy. I’m surprised I actually survived last week, when every hour was filled with this meeting or that class, and food and sleep were only distant things that existed outside my bubble. My journal was MIA, and the only writing I did consisted of interview transcriptions and class notes and feature stories. Looking back now, not doing any writing for myself was a mistake.
The good thing is, gray days don’t last forever. Long walks in the arboretum are nice I am lucky to have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. Being busy has kept me from overthinking: Even though research and classes take over most of my waking hours, I wouldn’t trade my majors — journalism and psychology — for any others. There is just too much fun in learning and discovering something new. And, of course, I have the best followers – my friends, even when my window stays closed for long periods of time you are still here. Lastly, thank God for music.
Over the months, I noticed that I tend to avoid writing when I don’t want to confront myself. Inside, I knew if I opened that window I would see how I was really doing – terrible. Being down in the dumps stinks, and when that realization rises above the surface, it makes the thought that much more real. But at the same time, I am slowly learning that the sun can’t light up the room until you crack the shutters open wide.*
Let’s just hope I am able to keep that window open from now on.
How do you bounce back from the blues? Any thoughts on balancing writing with other aspects of your life?
*This phrase is based on one of my favorite songs, Crack the Shutters by Snow Patrol.