Monday, 14 January, 2013
#DailyWings: “Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.” -Paulo Coelho
A person’s mood is like the waves of an ocean, a cosine graph
. It fluctuates in a gradual manner. We all have our bad days, brought forth by a spilled coffee or perhaps traffic. And then there are great days, when everything seems to be falling right into place and we can’t help but smile at the good fortune this world has brought us.
Lately I’ve been living on a high. Wonderful things have happened, left and right — an editorial internship at Chapel Hill Magazine’s THE WEEKLY
, reunion with my closest friends, excellent fall semester grades, beautiful 70 degree weather, a position as Arts & Entertainment Editor for Blue & White magazine
, inspiration for poetry, enjoyment of the masterpiece that is “The English Patient”
. I can’t help but wonder how I have been able to deserve this good life. (Or rather the past two good months, at the very least!)
After weeks of straight studying for exams that never seem to end and pitching stories and tackling writer’s block, it’s incredible to see what has come out of it all. I feel like I’m moving forward. Then again, it could be that typing this all down will lead to a jinx. *crosses fingers*
To ponder over Paulo Coelho’s words: Last semester, it seemed like nothing was happening. Every day was just about the same, with minor changes such as in pizza toppings or class seating; I didn’t do much about it except keep going. Now that everything has happened all at once, what is
next for me?
Tuesday, 16 October, 2012
I had awesome plans for this weekend — a new recipe to try out, the N.C. State Fair
, a Hinder
concert, a picnic with my CUSA
friends. In the end, none of these things made my agenda. Instead, I holed up in my apartment and pored over career assessments and personality tests. Lame, right?
Certainly, other factors prevented me from going to these events (relatives and friends visited for a day), but I could’ve chosen to do other fun things during my spare time, like go on Franklin Street. I didn’t, because I felt like I deserved to stay home until I figured out what the heck I’m going to do with my life.
The Myer’s-Briggs Type Indicator (note: my second time around), Strong Interest Inventory and Focus 2 Career Exploration alone took about an hour to fill out. And then, there I was, having filled out three assessments and then some, still without a single clue. My interests are clear: I love writing, psychology and helping others. I actually know what I want to do, it’s just fitting it all in one career that stumps me.
When the assessments failed to serve as my own personal Magic 8 Ball, I resolved to hash out a “life plan” for the next 30 years: what post-college degrees I would get, the potential publications I’d want to write for, the cities that appealed to my lifestyle. Doing this was supposed to make me feel more grounded, but all it did was make me more frantic. The what-ifs automatically began to form, and the big question mark still hung in the air. I felt like a mess. Surely by junior year of college, people should have an inkling of their future!
Wednesday, 26 September, 2012
#DailyWings: “Peace again! – The exquisite hour before dawn, here at my old desk–seldom have I realized so keenly, appreciated so fully, these still, dark hours.”
– Edward Weston
I have always seen this blog as a window into my thoughts and my life, but lately I’ve kept that window closed. It’s been nearly two weeks since my last post, and clicking on “New Post” today was like getting my teeth cleaned and realizing I needed a filling. I finally had to face the neglect my blog has received, but now that I am typing away again, I find myself sighing with relief. Starting is always the hardest part.
In general, I haven’t been writing lately. It’s weird how you can love something so much that you’re scared to touch or even go near it. Even after two years of blogging, it still takes effort to open this window into who I am, to set aside my fears and actually write stuff that means something to me.
I sometimes tell people that I can’t live without writing, and before it seemed to come out as an exaggerated joke – but I’m beginning to think it’s true. These last few weeks have been tough. Lonely. Chock-full of mistakes and regrets. And busy… so terribly busy. I’m surprised I actually survived last week, when every hour was filled with this meeting or that class, and food and sleep were only distant things that existed outside my bubble. My journal was MIA, and the only writing I did consisted of interview transcriptions and class notes and feature stories. Looking back now, not doing any writing for myself was a mistake.