Tuesday, 16 October, 2012
I had awesome plans for this weekend — a new recipe to try out, the N.C. State Fair
, a Hinder
concert, a picnic with my CUSA
friends. In the end, none of these things made my agenda. Instead, I holed up in my apartment and pored over career assessments and personality tests. Lame, right?
Certainly, other factors prevented me from going to these events (relatives and friends visited for a day), but I could’ve chosen to do other fun things during my spare time, like go on Franklin Street. I didn’t, because I felt like I deserved to stay home until I figured out what the heck I’m going to do with my life.
The Myer’s-Briggs Type Indicator (note: my second time around), Strong Interest Inventory and Focus 2 Career Exploration alone took about an hour to fill out. And then, there I was, having filled out three assessments and then some, still without a single clue. My interests are clear: I love writing, psychology and helping others. I actually know what I want to do, it’s just fitting it all in one career that stumps me.
When the assessments failed to serve as my own personal Magic 8 Ball, I resolved to hash out a “life plan” for the next 30 years: what post-college degrees I would get, the potential publications I’d want to write for, the cities that appealed to my lifestyle. Doing this was supposed to make me feel more grounded, but all it did was make me more frantic. The what-ifs automatically began to form, and the big question mark still hung in the air. I felt like a mess. Surely by junior year of college, people should have an inkling of their future!
Wednesday, 26 September, 2012
#DailyWings: “Peace again! – The exquisite hour before dawn, here at my old desk–seldom have I realized so keenly, appreciated so fully, these still, dark hours.”
– Edward Weston
I have always seen this blog as a window into my thoughts and my life, but lately I’ve kept that window closed. It’s been nearly two weeks since my last post, and clicking on “New Post” today was like getting my teeth cleaned and realizing I needed a filling. I finally had to face the neglect my blog has received, but now that I am typing away again, I find myself sighing with relief. Starting is always the hardest part.
In general, I haven’t been writing lately. It’s weird how you can love something so much that you’re scared to touch or even go near it. Even after two years of blogging, it still takes effort to open this window into who I am, to set aside my fears and actually write stuff that means something to me.
I sometimes tell people that I can’t live without writing, and before it seemed to come out as an exaggerated joke – but I’m beginning to think it’s true. These last few weeks have been tough. Lonely. Chock-full of mistakes and regrets. And busy… so terribly busy. I’m surprised I actually survived last week, when every hour was filled with this meeting or that class, and food and sleep were only distant things that existed outside my bubble. My journal was MIA, and the only writing I did consisted of interview transcriptions and class notes and feature stories. Looking back now, not doing any writing for myself was a mistake.
Friday, 17 August, 2012
#DailyWings: “My mom says some days are like that. Even in Australia.”
-Alexander & the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
Fluorescent light burning in your eyes. The taste of rubber gloves in your mouth. The strange vacuum sensation on your tongue when a resident holds the suction tube too close.
Okay, so I won’t lie and pretend that I don’t shed a couple tears at the dentist’s. Because I do. I don’t even realize how incredibly uncomfortable I am until there’s a tiny, metallic engine drilling against my teeth. At that point, acting my age is the least of my worries and I am holding on to the rail for dear life, praying to the gods that it will be over soon.
Today, I got three fillings – one on the bottom, two on top. (Not exactly a welcoming event after a dream trip to Boston.) Ever since I was little, my teeth have been prone to cavities. I brush twice a day, floss nightly and don’t eat a lot of sugar. I don’t drink coffee or soda or tea (only on occasion). I do everything a responsible tooth-owner should do. Unfortunately, my dentists have said I can attribute my soft teeth to genetics. Not even drinking milk will help.
The thing is, I haven’t been to the dentist in years. This time around, I knew there would be a degree of, er, unpleasantness, but I didn’t really prepare myself for just how much it sucked. The worst part was having my gums injected–like, using a needle–with anesthesia. It really, really hurt. The only good thing is, that was the first step they did so I got it over with pretty quickly.
Friday, 05 February, 2010
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” –Fredrick Keonig, German inventor of high-speed printing press
There is a woman that I know very well.
She grew up in Wisconsin and now resides in the same town I do in North Carolina. Although she never went to college, she studied to become a realtor and also attended nursing school. She lives with nobody but her one cat and one dog, both whom she loves very dearly. In her spare time, she enjoys gardening and taking care of her chestnut/apple trees, gladiolas, and the other beautiful plants that are so dearly tended over in her backyard. My friend absolutely loves food, especially ice cream. She is a playwright, nurse, and founder of the Recovery Room Players Christian acting group. She is the most religious person I have ever met.
On Wednesday, the doctor told her that she has a brain tumor. A few days beforehand, she discovered a lump on her temple and immediately scheduled an appointment with her doctor. After taking X-ray after X-ray and scan after scan (“Every organ in my body has been searched!” she exclaimed), it was confirmed that my friend has a brain tumor. The doctor will remove the tumor by surgery within just a few weeks and study it for any malignancy. When she told me all of this yesterday, she had a genuine smile on her face.